THE LATE GREAT LORD RICHARD BUCKLEY'S BEAR HUNT - ALABAMA 1952
Well, like I explain to you all before, I'm not really a drinking man, I tried it once and it got me highly irregular. And I swore I'd never do it again; but I had promised my brother in-law that I'd go up and watch his STILL, while he went in to town to vote. It was right up on the mountain where the map said it would be. Friends let me tell you one thing, it was no ordinary STILL. It stood up on that mountain side like a huge golden opal; God's yellow moon shining' on the cool clear evening, God's little lanterns twinkling' on and off in the heavens. Like I explained to you once before I am not a drinking' man, but temptation got the best of me, and I took a slash. That yellow whiskey running' down my throat felt like honey dew vine water, and I took another slash, I took another an another and another and before I knew it, I had downed one whole jug of that shit, and I commenced to getting' hot flashes, goose pimples was running' up and down my body. A great feeling' came over me like something I 'd never experienced before; It was like, like I was in love; in love for the first time; with anything that moved! Animate, inanimate it didn't matter. It was like there's a great neon sign flashing' on and off in my mind; saying' "Richard"; you fool, there's a great day a coming `Cause I was drunk! I wasn't exactly knee crawling', slip sliding', 'Commode hugging' drunk; I was God's own drunk! and a fearless man!
That's when I first saw the BEAR! He was a Kodiak looking' son-of-bitch; about nineteen feet tall. He rambled up over the hill expecting' me to do one of two things, Flip or Fly, I didn't do either one! It hung him up; he started sniffing' around my body trying' to smell some FEAR! But he didn't smell any fear, because I'm God's own drunk and a fearless man! It hung him up. He looked right in my eyes, and he saw that my eyes were a lot redder than his were; It hung him up! So I approached him, and I said to him, "Mr. Bear, I love every hair on your twenty-seven acre body, and I know you got a lot of friends over there on the other side of this hill. There's ole' Rare bear, Tall bear, Freddy bear, Kelly bear, Really bear, Smelly the bear, Smokey the bear, and Pokey the bear. Now I want you to go back over there tonight; and you tell them I'm feeling' right! You tell them I love each and everyone of them like a brother and a sister. But, if they give me any trouble what-so-ever tonight, I'm going to have to run, Every God Damn one of them. right off the hill! He took two steps backwards, and didn't know what to think. Neither did I, but being' charitable and cautious, well hell I approached him again; I said "Mr. Bear, you know, in the eyes of the Lord we are both just beasts when it comes right down to it. So I want you to be my Buddy, Buddy Bear. So I took ole' Buddy Bear by his island sized paw and I led him over to that STILL. He started sniffing' around that thing, because he was smelling' something' good. I gave him one of those jugs of that honey dew vine water and he downed it up right; he looked like one of those damn bears in the circus, sipping' saspairley in the moonlight, I gave him another, and another, and another, and before I knew it he had downed eight of them, and he commenced to doing' the bear dance! Two snips - a snort - a fly turn - and a grunt, It was so simple just like doing the jitter-bug! He plum evaded me; we had worked ourselves into a tumultuous uproar, and by then I was awful tired, so I went over to the hillside and I laid down and went to sleep. I slept so deep I had me some tumultuous dreams. When I woke up there was God's yellow moon was still shining' on the clear cool evening, God's little lanterns still twinkling on and off in the heavens; but when I looked around, there was no one to be found, it seemed that my buddy the Bear was missing!! Want to know something else friends and neighbors So Was That STILL !!!!
Lord Richard Myrle Buckley